It should've been me

I'd give anything to trade places with her.

Everyone says that.  A parent with a sick child.  A husband with a dying spouse.  A grandmother learning of her grandchild's dire prognosis.

I'd give anything to trade places with her.

But I really mean it.  

Not because I feel sorry for her.  I mean, that's part of it.  She has so much more in front of her than I do.  School, friends, love.  Heartbreak, pain, anger.  Everything that makes us complex, screwed up, unique.  All the twists and turns and crazy coincidences and almost happened.  The moments of joy, the ecstasy, the dread, the hopelessness.  Every bit lies ahead.

For me, every bit lies in the past.  The moments of joy, I can barely remember now.  Only the hopelessness remains.  My friends, all gone.  I have their memory, but it is increasingly overshadowed by the pain that comes from being alone.

I'd give anything to trade places with her.